Cabbage: really very nice on the inside
A man whose head bears a striking resemblence to a cabbage has hit out at a society which revels in poking fun at him and those similarly afflicted by looking like vegetables. Theo Maximus, 27, from Bromley, Kent, was born with a rare condition which makes him strongly resemble a cabbage, yet insists that this solitary characteristc should not be the one to define him.
“Yeah, so I strongly resemble a cabbage. What of it?” argued a defiant Maximus this morning at the launch of the Society For People Who Look Like Vegetables (SFPWLLV).
“Over the years I’ve come to know a number of people who look like vegetables – one looked like a turnip, another like a parsnip…one even strongly resembled a carrot. What I’ve come to learn is that it doesn’t matter what we look like – it’s what we’re like on the inside that counts.”
However, neighbourhood child, Billy Madison, 13, who lives across the road from Theo, was able to offer a different perspective. “Yeah, well he would say that, wouldn’t he? He’s hardly going to say ‘Oh look at me, and my freaky vegetable mates. Let’s all stick our heads in a food processor and make some delicious soup.’”
Even Theo’s best friend, Simon Ramsey, 28, who does not resemble a vegetable said: “Look, I’ve got to be careful what I say here, but sometimes Theo can be a bit of a dick, particularly if he finds you have cabbage in your fridge. I mean, he takes it really personally.
“Don’t get me wrong, he’s got a lot going for him – he’s got a really cool-sounding name, for instance. People should meet him and say: ‘Wow! Theo Maximus! What a cool guy!’ Instead, people meet him decide that he looks like a cabbage and just get bored after he spends 45 minutes quizzing them about the last time they ate cabbage as though it was some sort of crime. People usually find that the novelty of Theo’s cool name soon wears off after that.”
Asked if there was anything he found strange or odd in other people’s appearance, Theo said: “Absolutely. I once met a man who closely resembled a strawberry. I mean, people who look like fruit? What’s that all about?”
stop being so coldslaw