Alton Towers: made Nick Clegg sick
After months of crying, arguing and falling out, David Cameron has finally asked Nick Clegg if he will be his friend.
Cameron, 43, who already has lots of other friends, found to his surprise last week that he did not have quite as many as he thought he had.
As a result, Mr Cameron approached the Liberal Democrats leader at the swings outside Westminster over the weekend to see if they could be best chums forever, and to ask him if he would share his other friends.
“I’ve got Playstation, and crisps and lots of fizzy pop,” Cameron told Clegg, 43, in what was described as an ‘amicable’ meeting yesterday.
“Also, it’s my birthday soon, and we’re all going to have a big sleepover and then go to Alton Towers for the day. Oh, and I suppose we can discuss electoral reform too, if you really insist.”
Mr Clegg is thought to have responded by asking Mr Cameron which games he’s got for his Playstation, who his favourite football team is, and whether or not he felt that he could get on board with constitutional reform that included Proportional Representation in parliament.
“These are the key issues,” argued former Lib Dem leader Charles Kennedy. “If they are to be friends, then Nick will need to ask him all of these questions, as well as sounding him out for a lend of his bike.
“It’s worth noting that Nick has been to Alton Towers already quite recently, and was sick on one of the rollercoasters, so it’s not a very attractive proposal for him. This friendship is far from a done deal.”
Meanwhile, Labour leader Gordon Brown, 59, found out that he had lost a large number of his own friends last week, and argued that he would be a much better friend for Mr Clegg.
“Have I mentioned that my dad’s got a much better car? Also, he’s bigger than Cameron’s dad. And harder too. I heard that David has only got a Playstation 2. I’ve got a Playstation 3, with loads of cool fighting games, as well as some ace DVDs that Nick can borrow.
“If anyone should be Nick’s friend it’s me,” he concluded.
BBC political journalist Andrew Marr said: “What are they like? If I had my way, we’d bash all of their heads together until they agree to form a meaningful, strong and stable government for Great Britain. Perhaps they can resolve it all over a game of conkers?”