Man lives entire existence through Twitter, gets divorced

A London man who spends every waking moment of his day updating his Twitter status with the banal trivialities of his daily existence has been divorced by his wife of 12 years, it has been reported.

Ben Stringer, a 46 year-old IT technician from Battersea has been using Twitter, the social media networking site, for a little over 14 months now, and his newly-divorced ex-wife Gladys admits it was a major factor in the breakdown of their relationship:

Warning: could cause serious damage to your relationship

“Ben’s obssession with Twitter had got way out of control,” Gladys said. “He was updating his status three times a minute after he did anything at all. I understand that he lost a lot of loyal followers after he had chronic diahorrea earlier this year and updated on the experience in graphic detail every thirty seconds.”

When pressed further as to how Stringer’s Twitter fixation had compromised the marriage, Gladys gave further examples:

“I can remember the times when Ben was first getting into Twitter and we were trying to be – you know, intimate. We would be in bed, and he would have his mobile in one hand writing updates and posting images up using Twitpic. It was very distressing.  You should have seen some of the responses we got.”

The final straw for the couple came when Gladys revealed to her husband that she had been seeing somebody else, prompting Ben to update immediately with: ‘Wife having an affair : – (‘.”

Mutual friend of the ex-couple, Charlie Baxter from Turnham Green said: “I know, it’s incredibly sad.  But I think we also have to accept that, in this day and age, sometimes it’s inevitable that sooner rather than later, one man’s love for a social networking platform, and his desire to impress thousands of people he has never even met by telling them about everything single thing he’s doing in mind-numbing detail, will overwhelm the sacred bond held between man and wife.”

Although Mr. Stringer was too busy on Twitter to offer any comment himself, a cursory glance at his Twitter feed over the last few months offers some insight into the issues he faces:

‘Woo!  Twitter is great!  Gladys can go f*ck herself!  Woooo!!’ 11:37PM Sep 23rd from web    

‘Cooking some chicken in the microwave.  Just set it to three minutes.’ 5:32 PM Oct 14th from Tweetie

‘Still waiting for the chicken to cook.  Thirty seconds gone.’ 5:33 PM Oct 14th from Tweetie

‘Jesus, when is this chicken going to finish cooking?  It’s been forty seven seconds.’ 5:33PM Oct 14th from Tweetie

‘Fifty-five seconds.’ 5:33PM Oct 14th from Tweetie