Japanese car maker Toyota will recall more than 412,000 vehicles in the US after finding that there is absolutely nothing wrong with any of the vehicles concerned.
The firm issued an apology on its website and stated that the problem was due to an “unusually high” standard of quality control on one of its production lines, but was at pains to assure customers that it will not happen again.
“Our customers know that when they buy a Toyota, they are getting themselves a top-of-the-range, fully functioning death trap,” said a Toyota spokesperson.
“The last thing they expect is for the brakes or steering to actually work, which is why we were so shocked to find a batch of our vehicles that were fully operational – seemingly without any life-threatening defects whatsoever. Rest assured that we are taking steps to ensure that this will not happen again.”
The move comes a month after Japan’s second-biggest carmaker was found to have produced vehicles with faulty airbags and two months after the power window switch on some models was located as a potential fire risk.
“We really thought that more people would go for the faulty window switch option on the newer models,” said Toyota’s Potentially Lethal Product Feature Manager, Jim Summers.
“It turns out, though, not many people wanted to pay more for the added extra of experiencing a slow, painful death as their car is engulfed with flames on the M25. Their funeral, I suppose.”
Toyota are planning to send letters out to customers as well as family, friends and widows of previous owners next month, to apologise for this latest oversight and asking them to schedule an appointment to have their current model looked at if it has not killed, or at least seriously maimed anyone within three months of ownership.
“All they need to do is bring it into one of our specialised Toyota dealerships,” confirmed a spokesperson. “Before long, an engineer will be hacking away wildly at their car, with the aim of making it twice as dangerous as it already was before. Possibly more.”