authoritative, wise, and highly influential pronouncements

Normal Service Resumed as Nation Barely Acknowledges Existence of England Cricket Team

In Sport on August 30, 2009 at 22:35

Just a week after the England cricket team held off Australia to valiantly clinch this summer’s closely-fought Ashes series 2-1, the nation has once more resumed a state of blind apathy when it comes to the fortunes of its national cricket team, it was reported today.

It is now a mere seven days after England’s emotionally-charged victory at The Oval saw normal, reasonable individuals turned

England players celebrate the fact that somebody, fleetingly, cares about them

England players celebrate the fact that somebody, fleetingly, cares about them

into brainless, simpering idiots, nervously glued to their televisions or radios in expectation of the outcome of the match.  However. a poll taken out this week suggested that public interest in Sunday’s England v Australia 20/20 games was marginally lower than that of the saturated fat content on a packet of Cheese & Onion flavour Walker’s crisps.

Asked to explain the drop in the level of interest, one fan outside the cricket ground commented:

“Oh – this is Old Trafford, isn’t it?  I was looking for the football ground.  They’ve both got the same name, haven’t they?  I think I’ve come to the wrong place.”

Experts, meanwhile, predict that they don’t really know, or care for that matter, and will only be in a position to comment when it becomes fashionable to follow England at cricket again, and that probably won’t be at least until the football season is over…but even then, the World Cup is on, and they don’t fancy your chances.

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  1. Ha Ha! Some funny stuff here!
    I dread to think what would happen to the country in the unlikely event that England’s football team were to win the World Cup… I think that’s the day of the apocolypse.

    • Thank you – the very first person to comment, and it wasn’t abusive!

      I shouldn’t worry, I think the day that England win the football World Cup is the day we all take flying Unicorns into work…

  2. I seem to have been misdirected afer a search for the saturated fat content on a packet of Cheese & Onion flavour Walker’s.
    How frustrating!
    Yours, searching for the saturated fat content on a packet of Cheese & Onion flavour Walker’s INGLY,
    Kenny Dazzler

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