authoritative, wise, and highly influential pronouncements

UK Celebrates Bank Holiday Weekend by Staying in, Having an Early Night

In Lifestyle on August 31, 2009 at 11:28
Linda experiences the sensation of going to sleep sober for the first time since the mid 1980s

Linda experiences the sensation of going to sleep sober for the first time since the mid 1980s

Hundreds of thousands of workers across the country are thought to have celebrated the Bank Holiday Weekend by staying in, turning the lights off and getting their heads down early to enjoy a really good night’s sleep.

The ‘binge-drink Britain’ persona reported in some quarters of the media, often suggests that Britons are at least seventeen times more likely than any other nation in the world to spend the entirety of a public holiday in a bar or pub before standing for three hours in the street, shouting at a lamppost.  However, a recent survey indicated that Britain’s favourite pastimes over a public holiday were, in fact:

  • Having a relaxing bubble bath
  • Tickling some kittens
  • Getting in touch with their inner child

In related news, this weekend’s Notting Hill Carnival has been cancelled on the grounds that it is “noisy” and “frightful” and so that everybody can just go home and read a good book instead.

A government spokesperson told us to “stop taking the piss” and to “get off his property”.

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