British Prime Minister Gordon Brown is so tired of childish taunts comparing his name to The Stranglers classic Golden Brown that he is trying to change his name by deed poll, we can exclusively reveal.
The 58 year-old Scottish Premier has reportedly been the target of what Downing Street describes as “a vicious and premeditated bullying campaign” by MPs and babackbenchers, who are alleged to wander past the Govan born Labour leader in the halls of Westminster, humming The Stranglers tune.
“It’d be fine if just a couple of them did it,” said a Downing Street spokesperson, “but they’re all at it. Poor Gordon’s very upset. He’s shut himself away upstairs in his room and won’t come down – not even if we cook him sausages for his tea…and that’s his favourite.”
The government is thought to have explored several name-changing options for Mr. Brown, more suited to his less extravagant persona. One of these was said to have included the name ‘John Smith’ until it was pointed out that people might get the wrong idea and think that the former Labour leader from the early to mid 1990s was back from the dead.
A spokesperson for The Stranglers refused to comment, although a shifty man in a raincoat, claiming to represent the interests of the band did ask whether or not they are entitled to any royalties. They are not.