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New Cheating Storm Hits British Sport as FA Says John Terry ‘Not Beheaded’

In Sport on September 3, 2009 at 17:40

The latest fake injury storm to hit British sport was unravelled last night when it was revealed that England captain John Terry had successfully attempted to con a referee in an FA Cup 4th Round game at Stamford Bridge earlier this year, by pretending that he had been beheaded by an opponent.

A physio works to reattach John Terry's head, in vain, before news of the cheating scandal broke

A physio works to reattach John Terry's head, seemingly in vain, before news of the cheating scandal broke

Hot on the heels of the recent Harlequins’ ‘fake blood’ scandal, as well as the Eduardo diving storm, the timing couldn’t be worse for Terry, on the eve of a crucial World Cup Qualifier against Croatia in which, according to several leading pundits, his head is expected to be fully intact upon his shoulders.

During the match in question, Chelsea defender Terry claimed that Ipswich defender David Wright scythed his head clean off during the 4th Round tie, resulting in immediate loss of life, and reducing the Stamford Bridge side down to ten men, after all previous substitutes had been used.

Wright earned a straight red card and a lengthy ban for his actions, although new evidence has subsequently come to light that points to the fact that Terry was match-fit for the next game, and the majority of the remainder of both Chelsea and England’s fixtures that season.

“Our suspicions were first aroused after the game,” said an FA spokesperson, “when the referee saw Terry in the players’ bar having a drink with his grieving widow and desolate son – but he didn’t think it worth mentioning in his report. However, at the FA, we were able to act swiftly, several months later, and use video evidence to identify this blatant act of cheating.

“Unfortunately,” the spokesperson continued, “we are unable to comment on what Mr. Terry’s exact punishment will be at this stage…that said, it’ll probably only be a warning and a £20 fine or something. I mean, let’s keep this in perspective…it’s not like he dived or anything is it?”

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  1. Forgot to mention that he’s also English and by faking his beheading he was actually being ‘clever’.

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