UK Chancellor Alistair Darling has rejected the advice of French Finance Minister Christine Lagarde with what can can only be described as a series of thinly-veiled xenephobic remarks, following a long, boozy lunch at the pub. Although Mme Lagarde warned that it would be in the best interests of the British economy to change its rules regarding the governance of bank bonuses, Mr. Darling took matters into his own hands by suggesting that all French people are “stupid” and “smell like cheese.”
“What happened (to the economy) 12 months ago was just horrible for our societies,” Mme Lagard stated emphatically on the BBC’s Newsnight programme on Thursday night. “We are both still suffering as a result.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Mr. Darling, who appeared to have had more than a couple of lunchtime drinks, countered on the 1 O’Clock News this afternoon. “I went to France on a school trip when I was 15. It was sh*t. Everyone there is stupid and smells of garlic and cheese. What the hell do they know? They should shut up.”
Mr. Darling then proceeded to pull his trousers down and wave his naked posterior at the camera, astonishing millions of viewers in the process, before heading back to Downing Street for a long afternoon sleep.
When asked for a comment, the French Embassy would only say: “Mon Dieu!” before playing accordion music loudly down the telephone line.