authoritative, wise, and highly influential pronouncements

Myleene Klass Announces Plans For Global Domination Through Advanced Cloning Techniques

In Entertainment, Media on September 6, 2009 at 14:41

Myleene Klass has rocked the entertainment industry by announcing that she plans to take over the world using an army of Klass clones, ultimately annihilating human life as we know it. Klass, 31, made the dramatic announcement from her secret research laboratory, just hours after presenting last night’s National Lottery show on BBC1, leaving experts in little doubt as to the significance of her plans.

Dr. Frank Cheeseman, Head of Research for the Development of Cloning Technology at Cambridge University, said: “With this formidable army of clones, Myleene could be unstoppable. To think, we already thought she was omnipresent – there were the M&S adverts, the television presenting…the constant newspaper coverage. This all just feels like a sick joke.”

Myleene Klass mocks yet another one of her victims as the crisis worsens

Myleene Klass mocks yet another one of her ruthlessly executed victims as the crisis worsens

Secretary of State for Defence Bob Ainsworh admitted, with a faraway, terrified look in his eyes: “Klass’s clones are the perfect weapon. They are designed to let down their enemies’ defences with a lovely piano recital, seduce them into giving up their arms with a pouty look and a flash of cleavage, before making them beg for mercy with a threat of serenading them with one of Hear’Say’s songs.”

Meanwile, a BBC spokesperson refused to be drawn on speculation that it was the sheer knuckle-chlenching awfulness of the BBC’s Lottery show that sent Klass spiralling over the edge, and deep into the pit of madness.

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