Controversial athlete Caster Semenya, who recently found herself at the centre of an investigation focusing on her gender, has received a full apology from the Independent Association of Athletics Federations (IAAF). More surprisingly, Semenya has been taken out for an exciting evening of her choice with leading IAAF officials, thought to include binge drinking, fast food, sports and loose women in order to make it up to her.
The apology comes as a surprise at a time when it is reported that IAAF tests found that abnormal levels of testosterone were found in Semenya’s body after she won the 800m and 1500m World Title in Berlin recently, with some even suggesting today that Ms. Semenya might be a hermaphrodite.
Such thoughts were laughed away, however, by IAAF Secretary Derek Bailey, who insisted:
“Our apology to Ms. Semenya was unconditional, as we made quite clear to her on the evening we shared with her. We have come to accept that Caster is a beautiful, delicate woman, a point that was made abundantly clear by the extra spicy chicken vindaloo, pilau rice, naan bread and twelve pints of premium strength lager she put away at the restaurant in the space of seven minutes. We’re just sorry for any distress we have caused.”
The apology comes as no surprise to Semenya’s family and friends, who have backed the 18 year-old South African athlete throughout the ordeal. “We always knew who Caster really was, no matter what anyone said,” commented a family friend. “Look, there’s no doubting that the girl can grow a bushier beard than half the men in town – but with modern genetics and what-not, who’s to say what that means?”
The remainder of the evening with IAAF officials is thought to have been spent with the group taking in a football match and going to a Casino, before going to an exclusive lap-dancing venue at which Semenya was photographed leaving with three ladies, belching the James Bond theme tune with two lit cigars up her nose.
“Yep, she’s a real lady alright,” Bailey concluded.