Restaurateurs, food writers and critics have today mourned the death of one of the nation’s best loved TV chefs, Keith “Pink” Floyd who has died of a heart-attack aged 65. However, BBC sources have denied claims that researchers working on his obituary have uncovered haunting references to terrorist plots in Floyd’s culinary journeys, during which he first rose to prominence through demonstrating his twist on local and regional dishes around the world.
Rumours have spread that Floyd was, in his inebriated state, unwittingly acting as an “information mule” to covert terrorist organisations during his travels, “feeding” them with highly sensitive national security information. “Pinky” as he was known to his inner circle, had for years entertained the British public with his wit, charm and self-styled model of drunken-lampoonery in the kitchen, although senior officials were at pains to refute all allegations levelled.
The claims are thought to centre on an operation codenamed ‘P*SSED CHEF’ although a well-placed MI6 source today admitted that: “We do believe that there may be other such TV stars carrying out such roles, and you know, we do give them ‘colour’ code-names like ‘Pinky’…er…I mean, ‘Agent Violet’ and such like. Adds a bit of colour, see. But we don’t think Floyd was one of them. Honest. And even if he was, he was probably so hammered that he thought it was some kind of drunken bet.”
But in Libya, where Floyd had once presented a programme on “tasty stew”, local journalist Abdel al-Jaffa “Cake” Sadiqi said “We loved Pinky like you did, he always entertained us with his witty banter and the things he did with a cucumber were amazing. But we did have our suspicions about what he was doing here – after filming, he always needed a lie down in his hotel room and we were suspicious about why the local gun dudes all turned up to see him – we really doubted it was because of his honey nuts.”
Funeral directors Wilson, Harmshaw & Diggum have confirmed that “Pinky” will be buried next Wednesday with full culinary honours, including a fetching arrangement of cutlery used in place of coffin handles, and dinner plates replacing hearse hub caps, as well as, mysteriously, an absolutely MASSIVE stockpile of bullets, rifles and hand grenades.