Sir Elton John has been told that he will not be able to adopt a 14-month old Ukranian baby because they “are too similar.” It had originally been thought that Ukranian authorities had turned down Sir Elton’s application to adopt the child, known as ‘Lev’, because he was too old and unmarried – Ukranian law does not recognise his gay marriage to male partner David Furnish – although a well-placed source has been able to uncover the truth of the matter.
“The adoption agency in the Ukraine studied a picture of Sir Elton, and then a picture of Lev, and had a great deal of difficulty telling which was which,” said our source. “If anything though, the baby seemed to have more hair, although both were very chubby with a strange, vacant expression in their eyes.”
Indeed, a long-standing family friend of Sir Elton and David Furnish went on to confirm that the likeness between Sir Elton and Lev is more than just superficial. Lord Henry Potherington III said: “The similarity really is uncanny. Not only do they look the same, but they also make exactly the same high pitched wailing sound. Add to that the almighty tantrums both make when they don’t get their own way, and you can see that they are the perfect match for one another.”
However, the Ukraine’s family, youth and sports minister Yuriy Pavlenko said that there were other motives for them refusing to sanction the adoption: “We’re all very worried that if we allow Sir Elton to have this child, we might be responsible for the release of another God-awful album, inspired by Lev. We simply can’t have that kind of responsibility on our shoulders.”
Sir Elton John, reacting to the news in a public statement said: “WAAAAA! WAAAAAA! ELTON WANT BABY! WAAAAA! WAAAAA!”