authoritative, wise, and highly influential pronouncements

Boris Johnson in Talks to Turn Underground Guide Into Map For Children

In News on September 18, 2009 at 08:22
"Again!  Again!"

"Again! Again!"

London’s Mayor Boris Johnson has promised to return the image of the River Thames to the capital’s Underground maps, vowing that the improved image would contain: “little images of boats, people swimming and maybe a sea serpent for all the commoners to enjoy.”Johnson, 45, was said to be ‘furious’ to find that the Tube map had been altered while he was out of the country on official business, and without anyone telling him.

“I can guarantee that the image of the Thames will be restored as soon as possible,” the Mayor thundered. “Serpents are cool, and if there aren’t any currently in the Thames, then there bloody well should be.  I’d also like it if we could put in other details like roads, cars on the streets, and people looking up and waving – that sort of thing.”

Asked if the Mayor was proposing to turn the Underground map into a kind of gigantic topographic map for children, Mr. Johnson simply smiled bashfully, looked down at his shoes and said: “Kind of.”

Edward Collins, one of the senior designers working with Transport For London (TFL) to produce the latest incarnation of the Tube map said: “It’s true that the river will be back on maps by December – but we’ve had a long road to reach this compromise.

“Initially, the Mayor wanted every tourist to have a pop-up Underground map that played a soothing melody relating to each inividual stop. We actually had to sit him down and explain to him very carefully that this simply wasn’t practical or cost-effective in any way, shape or form. He really sulked about that one.”

Senior executives at TFL are believed to have eventually reasoned with the Mayor by letting him wear a train driver’s hat and have a look in the control room, while intermittently making a “Wooo! Wooooo!” noise as he pretended to drive the trains he saw on the monitor.

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