iPhone users are spending so much time downloading new applications for their device that they leave themselves little or no time to actually use them, a new study is set to reveal. The research, conducted as part of a wider study by students at Oxford University into why people insist on paying through the nose for cutting-edge technology, only to use it like complete idiots, indicates that only 12% of iPhone users surveyed had actually used any of the applications they had downloaded from Apple’s iTunes store in the last 6 months. The remaining 88% of respondents were thought to be too busy actually downloading an application to provide a satisfactory answer.
“I suppose it’s a kind of illness,” said Derek Henessey, 34, from Stockport, an iPhone 3G user of 9 months, who found that he was unable to control his own application download habits. “One minute I had a perfectly reasonable phone that I used for keeping in touch with friends, family, loved ones, and to co-ordinate business meetings. The next, I’m like some kind of jibbering idiot, glued to the handset in my determination to Test my IQ, throw a piece of animated paper in the bin, or make it look like I’m drinking a pint of beer that is really some computer generated animation.”
Henessey first noticed that things were getting really out of control when he got a whopping £200 bill through from iTunes for the various applications he had downloaded. “Most of the apps in the store only cost 59p or £3 at most, so I knew then I had gone too far. Worst of all, there were some apps on my phone I didn’t even recognise…Park it? I don’t even own a car! Golfshot Pro? I hate Golf! I also accidentally put down a deposit to buy a disused Russian submarine…I think my finger must have slipped.”
“We call this iPhone App Disaffection Disorder or IADD,” said one therapist, “and it’s important that these people have the necessary attention as soon as possible. We’ve set up a helpline number for all those who feel they have been affected by this issue, and further details are also available on our website, and on a specially designed iPhone app, which….oh….we haven’t really thought this through, have we?”