authoritative, wise, and highly influential pronouncements

MPs Deny Employment of Illegal Immigrants, Ask Sosefo The Gardener to ‘Take Care With The Roses’

In News, Politics on September 23, 2009 at 17:23

Baroness Scotland is to keep her job, it has been announced, despite the discovery that she employed an illegal Tongan immigrant as a housekeeper, raising questions as to the the practice of several other MPs relating to this issue in the process.  Reacting to rumours that employing illegal immigrants was widespread around Westminster, Prime Minister Gordon Brown called the accusations: “Ridiculous,” saying, “it’s as clear as the pink cotton on the beautiful sash worn by my hand-maiden Shriba, originating from her native Ind….I mean…Dundee, that we have nothing whatsoever to hide in this regard.”

Baroness Scotland: "Just put the five grand in your little ivory box and toddle off to see Gordon, will you, Mbwene?"

Baroness Scotland: "Just put the five grand in your little ivory box and toddle off to see Gordon, will you, Mbwene?"

However, Conservatives and Liberal Democrats have been insistent in their calls for the resignation of Lady Scotland, who has maintained that the incident was a minor transgression, likening it to forgetting to pay the congestion charge.  Conservative junior minister Lloyd Errantson has been among the harshest critics of the Baroness. Speaking in the grounds of his Gloucestershire estate this morning, Mr Errantson described the Attorney General’s actions as a ‘mockery of the system’.

“It’s a mockery of the system — that’s how I’d describe the Attorney General’s actions,” he said. “After all, it was Baroness Scotland herself who helped to put in place these laws — no, Sosefo, that’s not how to prune the roses. Don’t you have them in … er …where is it you are from again?  Yorkshire!  That’s right!  Yorkshire… — so she can’t blame anyone but herself for this.”

When asked if he knew the immigration status of his own employees, Mr Errantson told us that they were all absolutely, 100% legal.

“Oh yes, no problems there,” Mr Errantson confirmed, “they’ve all got the right papers and everything, I inspected them myself. Amipa, I asked you to walk the dog, not give it treats. No treat – walk.”

“So there’s really no need for you to double-check,” the junior minister continued, “because it’s not necessary, not necessary at all. Mr. Tuionetoa, I told you before, it is not alright if your cousins stay in the barn, please tell them to leave. Them – go – now. Er, look, can you stop recording this for a moment?”

So far, Prime Minister Gordon Brown has backed Baroness Scotland, asserting that a £5000 fine is sufficient punishment, and no further action is needed.  The fine is expected to be brought to the Prime Minister in a beautifully carved ivory box, belonging to Barnoness Scotland’s window-cleaner, Mbwene, from Carslisle.


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