Opinion polls today showed that the British Public would rather approve the prospect of mass nuclear stockpiling than agree with anything Prime Minister Gordon Brown has to say about anything. The polls, conducted by numerous independent agencies, all appeared to indicate that 95% of the population now believe that nuclear weapons are actually great, and that we should have lots more of them, following this week’s announcement by Brown that he would consider cutting the UK’s nuclear capability from four to three Trident-carrying submarines, in an effort to persuade other nations to follow suit.
Far from representing approval for this move, however, today’s findings suggest that the British public would actually prefer to see a huge increase in the UK’s nuclear deterrent. However, sociologist and opinion poll analyst Dr. David Wharbury advised caution after inspecting the poll results. “Surveys that tackle controversial issues can often be misleading, throwing up all sorts of unexpected results,” Dr. Wharbury said.
“In this case, I think we need to carefully examine the wording used in the surveys. For example, one survey asked, ‘Is Gordon Brown right to cut trident?’ — since current public opinion is that Gordon Brown can’t do anything right, it’s not surprising that nearly all the respondents automatically plumped for a negative response.”
Conservative Party insiders have suggested that leader David Cameron could be planning to cash in on yet another unpopular move by the Prime Minister, by personally touring a Trident-carrying submarine to meet the crew, say nice things about them and pretend that he has anything at all in common with them. His itinerary is also imagined to involve being photographed sitting astride one of the missiles in a sailor suit, saluting.
Political commentator Conrad Leadbitter added further fuel to the suggestion that these poll results did not reflect a serious desire by the public to proliferate nuclear weapons, but instead that they were simply a measure of Mr Brown’s current unpopularity.
“Although,” he added, “it is a concern that the vast majority of the country would support an increased nuclear arsenal — even if doing so resulted in national bankruptcy and sent the signal to numerous unstable dictatorships that nuclear stockpiling is fine with us — rather than be seen to be agreeing with Gordon Brown.”