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Iranian Enrichment Plant Really Ice Cream Factory

In World News on September 26, 2009 at 11:06
Ice cream: deadly in the wrong hands

Ice cream: deadly in the wrong hands

Representatives from the International Atomic Energy Agency laughed loudly in Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s face yesterday, after inspections of what he had claimed was a Uranium Enrichment plant turned out to be an ice cream factory.

Olof Thorstadt and Eduardo Rojas were invited to view the ‘plant’, located in Natanz, 150 miles south of Tehran, and were shown around personally by President Ahmadinejad. According to the President, workers in the factory were preparing materials for the construction of nuclear weapons. But, say Thorstadt and Rojas, it was clear from the start that they were being lied to.

“He led us in there, beaming from ear to ear and telling us how one day this factory would make the weapons that would destroy our decadent nations once and for all,” related Thorstadt. “Which scared us for a few seconds. But then we saw the guy behind him was stirring something in a big vat, so we asked to look at what he was doing.

Ahmadinejad went all awkward and said something about it being top secret, but a few seconds later we saw the guy pouring some chocolate chips in there. The President tried to claim they were uranium nuggets, but we weren’t buying it.”

According to the IAEA representatives, they were then hastily led off the factory floor, and into a room that President Ahmadinejad described as ‘the evil laboratory’, where Iran’s nuclear weapons were soon to be created.

“He had all these guys in there in white coats, holding test tubes and stuff,” said Rojas. “He said they were top nuclear scientists, but it was pretty obvious they had no idea what they were doing. Plus there were a couple of other guys at the back of the room eating lunch — I think it might have been the staff canteen.”

It was this point, the two men explained, that they both felt an uncontrollable urge to laugh.

“I tried to hold it in, I really did” Thorstadt said. “After all, it’s a little unprofessional, and extremely disrespectful. But in the end I just couldn’t stop myself and just creased. Absolutely p*ssed myself laughing, you know?”

“Me too, man,” Rojas agreed. “I saw you struggling to keep a straight face, and I just went, man. I couldn’t help it, I just laughed in President Ahmadinejad’s face — right in his hairy f*****g face. It was awesome,” Rojas added.

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