The UK’s Immigration service today confirmed that it is to investigate a number of old asylum-seeker and illegal immigrant cases which had previously gone inexplicably undetected or ignored, starting with the case of a Peruvian bear which is thought to have been cruelly held captive at a West London address.
Police have confirmed that a Mr. and Mrs. Brown have been detained with regard to the disappearance in 1975 of a bear at Paddington station, London, amidst rumours that it had entered the country from Peru on a lifeboat without the correct paperwork, and with only a note around its neck saying ‘Please look after this bear. Thank you.’
The Home Office refused to be drawn on media speculation that the Browns had been force-feeding the bear condiments during its captivity, although it is known that traces of marmalade were found at 32 Windsor Garden, along with what witnesses described as “an incredible amount of bear faeces.”
Detective Inspector John Simpson of Scotland Yard said: “There’s no sign of the bear at the house now. Obviously, everyone is innocent until proven guilty, and this case is no different. But quite aside from the animal welfare issue here, we have to consider that there’s also a very real safety concern too. I mean, there is real life bear living in West London, which is now at large. What were these people thinking?”
A Home Office spokesperson has confirmed that the operation is part of a wider initiative to clamp down on offenders who might have been overlooked as part of administrative oversights. “As part of this initiative, we are also seeking the whereabouts of a group of asylum seekers who entered the UK in 1965 posing as firemen. They were last believed to be operating in the Trumpton area. ”
The statement continued: “In addition, the service is deeply concerned about a Welsh nationalist that is believed to be helping illegal immigrants from Ireland enter the UK using his steam train Ivor. Anyone with information on the self-styled ‘Jones the Steam’ or the Trumpton case should call the UK Border Agency anonymously, or contact our helpline.”
As a result of the initiative, police have announced that they have already made one arrest, that of 34 year-old Polish immigrant Robunio Nowak, or ‘Bob’ to his friends, who had been operating a successful business as a builder using a false name and passport for over fifteen years. Police are believed to have thrown in an additional charge of attempting to pervert the course of justice, after Nowak offered to ‘fix it’ for officers if they let him go, a source has revealed.