British Prime Minister Gordon Brown has shocked onlookers after he was found drunk and naked this morning on a bench on Brighton sea-front ahead of his keynote speech at the Labour Party Conference.
Brown, 58, who sources say spent last night “unwinding from the stresses of another long day at the conference by hitting the town with Alistair Darling and Peter Mandelson” was found on a bench facing Brighton sea-front by Mrs. Trudy Ponsonby, 78 at approximately 7 o’clock this morning.
“He was snoring very loudly and it looked like somebody had drawn some genitals on his forehead,” Mrs. Ponsonby said. “At first I wondered if it really was the Prime Minister, or just somebody who looked like him – after all, you don’t expect to see the PM displaying his assets for everyone to see. But then he started twitching like mad and I knew it was him.”
Details of the rest of the group’s evening are sketchy although the purveyor of a nearby curry restaurant has confirmed that he threw the group out for being “loud, insulting and overly intoxicated,” adding that “Alistair Darling seemed unable to do even basic arithmetic when it came to calculating his share of the bill and refused to pay.” This follows reports that the three of them were spotted ‘necking pints’ at a Wetherspoon’s pub, before jumping up and down on the tables and goading the other customers.
Top political commentators are split on the significance of this latest turbulent incident in Gordon Brown’s troubled already premiership, with some seemingly willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Indeed, as a top political analyst today claimed: “Many outsiders see the party conference season as a stuffy affair, with lots of party members cooped up in a hotel for a few days. What they don’t see is that it gives them all a valuable opportunity to forget about all their stresses and strains by getting absolutely sh****d in a consequence-free environment.”
Downing Street has taken the step of issuing a statement re-emphasising that: “The Prime Minister revels in the stresses of the job and this morning’s incident has no bearing whatsoever on his abilities to lead.” Asked if this was really true, a spokesperson reiterated, “Absolutely. The fact that the Prime Minister was spotted walking down Brighton sea-front without any clothes on at 3am this morning singing ‘Oh I do like to be beside the seaside’ does absolutely nothing to shake my confidence in him, and the same should be true of you.”