authoritative, wise, and highly influential pronouncements

Boris Johnson Lined up as New James Bond After Eastenders Cameo

In Entertainment, News on October 3, 2009 at 16:19

London Mayor Boris Johnson is being lined up by movie executives to star in the next James Bond film, according to sources closes to the Mayor’s office.  Barbara Broccoli, responsible for overseeing the popular 007 series, is said to have been so impressed with Johnson’s recent cameo on Eastenders that she not only wants the Mayor to replace Daniel Craig and play the role suave secret agent James Bond, but also to co-write the script for the film, due out in 2011.

"Johnson....Boris Johnson"

"Johnson....Boris Johnson"

The Mayor’s office was refusing to comment on the rumours, saying only “Do you expect us to talk?” although the Mayor is known to be privately very enthusiastic about the prospect.

“Boris is very excited about the whole thing,” a close friend said yesterday, “I went round to see him, and he was dressed entirely in black, with a balaclava over his face, running around the house with a water-pistol, screaming the James Bond theme tune. It’s safe to say he’s enjoying the experience.”

Bond fans can also look forward to Johnson taking the franchise into exciting, undiscovered territory with his revolutionary ideas for the script.  “He’s already got a few ideas,” the Mayor’s anonymous friend revealed, “so far they include James Bond going back in time, becoming a pop star, getting elected as Mayor of London and having all the ice-cream it is possible for him to eat.  It’s compelling stuff.”

When asked if if his tenure as 007 had come to a premature end, after two highly successful films, Daniel Craig said: “Well, obviously Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace were both great fun to do, and did extremely well at the box office.  But sometimes you’ve got to hold your hands up and admit when a younger, better guy comes along.  Boris certainly fits that description – he’s handsome, charismatic, and keeps himself in great shape.  If anybody were to replace me in the role, I’d like to think it would be Boris.”

Ken Livingstone, meanwhile, who Johnson defeated in the 2008 Mayoral election, was quick to comment on the speculation, as soon as he had sufficiently calmed down: “James Bond??!??  JAMES BOND?!!!??? LOOK AT HIM.  I’ve heard a rumour that he’s planning to put in a villain called ‘Len Kivingstone’.  They wouldn’t even let me on bloody Eastenders….what are you people trying to do to me??”

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