An Afghanistani man has lodged a formal complaint against Sky News after he felt they unfairly branded him as a ‘warlord’ in a recent report.
The report, aired on the 7th October, referred to Gulbadin Hekmatyar, leader of the Hezb-e-Islami militants, in a manner that Hekmatyar found to be “insulting, offhand and deeply disrespectful,” the Commission for Broadcasting Standards heard this morning.
“I mean, come on,” said Hekmatyar speaking in a statement from a cluster of caves we couldn’t quite place, “I’ve done some pretty bad things in my time, but is it really fair for Sky News to resort to petty name-calling? I’ve got several wives and twenty or thirty children to look after. Sometimes I wonder if people like Sky even care about the feelings of the little people like me.”
In Sky’s report, Hekmatyar was heard attacking American democracy, claiming that President Obama’s election came as a result of a “parody of an election” with “fraudulent voting.” However, Hekmatyar seemed keen to distance himself from these remarks today, claiming that they had merely been lost in translation:
“Fraudulent election? No, no, no, no, no. I love Obama. I totally dig the whole black President thing too. This is yet more evidence of Sky News twisting their agenda against me. What I actually said was that they had a big ‘party of an election’ and that there was some ‘fantastic voting’. It’s an easy mistake to make.”
Hekmatyar later went on to issue a video tape to the BBC of himself dressed variously as Uncle Sam, Winston Churchill and Santa Claus in a bid to prove his love for all things in the West. “See?” he said, taking a bite out of a Burger King Whopper burger. “Mmmm. Delicious.”
A spokesperson from Sky News said: “Despite Mr. Hekmatyar’s claim of injustice we have strong sources in the region and we are confident that this complaint will not be upheld. Besides which, we know he is a murderous, gun-running b*****d who has the blood of many thousands of people on his hands. He’s not fooling anyone.”