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Afghan ‘warlord’ lodges complaint against Sky News

In World News on October 8, 2009 at 08:19

An Afghanistani man has lodged a formal complaint against Sky News after he felt they unfairly branded him as a ‘warlord’ in a recent report.

The report, aired on the 7th October, referred to Gulbadin Hekmatyar, leader of the Hezb-e-Islami militants, in a manner that Hekmatyar found to be “insulting, offhand and deeply disrespectful,” the Commission for Broadcasting Standards heard this morning.

“I mean, come on,” said Hekmatyar speaking in a statement from a cluster of caves we couldn’t quite place, “I’ve done some pretty bad things in my time, but is it really fair for Sky News to resort to petty name-calling? I’ve got several wives and twenty or thirty children to look after. Sometimes I wonder if people like Sky even care about the feelings of the little people like me.”

Hekmatyar - just a regular guy

Hekmatyar - just a regular guy

In Sky’s report, Hekmatyar was heard attacking American democracy, claiming that President Obama’s election came as a result of a  “parody of an election” with “fraudulent voting.” However, Hekmatyar seemed keen to distance himself from these remarks today, claiming that they had merely been lost in translation:

“Fraudulent election? No, no, no, no, no. I love Obama. I totally dig the whole black President thing too. This is yet more evidence of Sky News twisting their agenda against me. What I actually said was that they had a big ‘party of an election’ and that there was some ‘fantastic voting’. It’s an easy mistake to make.”

Hekmatyar later went on to issue a video tape to the BBC of himself dressed variously as Uncle Sam, Winston Churchill and Santa Claus in a bid to prove his love for all things in the West. “See?” he said, taking a bite out of a Burger King Whopper burger. “Mmmm. Delicious.”

A spokesperson from Sky News said: “Despite Mr. Hekmatyar’s claim of injustice we have strong sources in the region and we are confident that this complaint will not be upheld. Besides which, we know he is a murderous, gun-running b*****d who has the blood of many thousands of people on his hands. He’s not fooling anyone.”


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