The US president, Barack Obama, was today awarded the 2009 Nobel peace prize “for not being as bad as George Bush,” in a decision which stunned international affairs experts.
Nobel Committee chair Thorbjoern Jagland, said: “Only rarely has a person such as Obama captured the world’s attention and given his people hope for a better future.”
“As far as we can see he hasn’t invaded any more countries recently and no, he hasn’t pulled out of Iraq or Afghanistan or closed Guantanamo or anything but none of those Abu Ghraib pictures have come to light recently have they? Or have they? Besides, he looks like he wants peace. He’s got one of those faces,” the citation said.
“He’s a truly remarkable man. We heard that the US may still be torturing people but we don’t know for sure and at least Obama isn’t publicly supporting it. It’s a new era.”
The committee said Obama, who only took up the presidency in January, a mere month before the Nobel nominations deadline, had been acknowledged for his calls to reduce the world’s stockpile of nuclear weapons and working for world peace.
“Although the US can still destroy the world many times over, they’re at least trying to get everyone else to give up their nuclear weapons, which is super. And he’s decided not to use Eastern Europe as an extension of America’s defence system anymore. He’s a truly amazing man.”
Critics of the award said it was “a little bit cringey”. Said Bono: “Even I’m a bit embarrassed by this one and I’ve just spoken at the Tory Party Conference for feck’s sake.”
President Obama himself seemed reluctant to talk about the award. A spokesman said: “Look this is all a bit silly. The Nobel Committee have been calling a lot recently and sending texts and all that kind of thing. The President’s been ignoring it but now it’s gone public it’s become very embarrassing. We’re just not going to say anything and hope they go away. We’ve also sent back the chocolates and teddy bear.”