In a surprise early announcement, US President Barack Obama has been awarded three Oscars by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. The news comes a full five months before the March 7 ceremony, and four months before nominations were to be announced.
Mr. Obama’s Oscars – for Best Supporting Actor, Best Original Screenplay and Best Live Action Short Film – were awarded despite the President having yet to contribute to any film projects this year. When interviewed by perplexed journalists earlier today, Academy President Sid Ganis cited Obama’s “extraordinary efforts to strengthen international movie-going” as the reason for the controversial decision.
“I know what you’re all thinking – why the hell have we given the President of the USA three Oscars when he’s done little or nothing to deserve them?” Mr. Ganis said, echoing the thoughts of all present. “But let me ask you this: can you honestly say, hand on heart, that you believe President Obama couldn’t win these awards fair and square, if he wanted to?”
“I mean, give the guy a break,” Mr. Ganis continued, “He’s trying to run the country – the opportunity to pen a script or put together a gritty short using a handheld camera is hardly going to present itself is it? What we’re saying, by presenting these awards, is that President Obama would have done these things – he just didn’t have time because he was too busy making all your lives better!”
Here Mr. Ganis jabbed an accusing finger at the assembled journalists, who, rightly chastened, shuffled off to compose stories about how great Barack Obama is.
Receiving his awards at the Kodak Theatre, Hollywood, earlier today, Mr. Obama said he felt “humbled by the Academy’s generosity”, although he added that the triumph was tinged with regret.
“I have to admit, I had my heart set on Best Director,” he told a hastily-assembled audience of glitterati. “That, and the other four nominations that didn’t pay off … well, maybe that’s something to think about for next time,’ he added, looking pointedly at Academy representatives, who all nodded frantically.
After tossing the three golden statuettes into a large, clanking sack, Mr. Obama left the theatre with little ceremony, and boarded Airforce One to Paris, where he is to receive the Ballon D’or award for European Footballer of the Year.