Despite the best efforts of an internationally acclaimed group of ‘space scientists’, NASA has reluctantly admitted that its attempts to blow up the Moon have failed. NASA’s mission was seen as necessary as part of a wider energy conservation scheme since the moon has been identified as a sun blocker, depriving the earth of a valuable energy source.
NASA had originally intended to detonate remotely placed charges at the Moon’s south pole at 12pm today. However, the live web television feeds appeared to show nothing more than a small fizz after detonation. Close-up shots of the event, provided by NASA’s Moon-orbiting satellite Luhzny II, showed a small crater where the detonation occurred, but a lack of wide-spread explosive impact. Indeed, had the moon been destroyed as planned, Luhzny II would have also suffered the same fate.
When pressed on NASA’s latest scientific failure, spokesman Randy Finkelstein admitted that a technical oversight by mission specialists may have been to blame. “We spend years of careful planning for missions such as this,” he said, “but you can never guarantee 100% success. In this case, it seems that the blue touch paper was incorrectly installed and the self-igniting Swan Vestas were co-axially inverted.”
NASA has been under pressure for a number of years following the Challenger and Discovery space shuttle disasters. NASA administrators cite central budget cuts as a reason for the decrease in mission funding, leading to cut-corners and greater risk-taking. “It seems that the Moon destruction mission may have been thwarted by some ill-trained junior scientists who left the charges in the car park, where they got damp, jeopardising the mission. They really should have been kept in an old biscuit tin in the cupboard.”
However, Finkelstein denied that further missions may be threatened. “We’re still convinced that we’re capable of carrying out incredibly important science missions in space,” he said. “For example, planning is already at an advanced stage to build a casino on Jupiter, and a bowling alley on Saturn.” US Government science officials see these as long-term cash investment and return projects, allowing greater future investment.