authoritative, wise, and highly influential pronouncements

Brown ‘really high’ when he signed European Constitution

In Politics on October 14, 2009 at 14:23

Prime Minister Gordon Brown has admitted for the first time that he was heavily stoned when he signed the European Constitution in December 2007. In a lapse during a mundane interview over the Lisbon Treaty, Brown said, “To be honest, me and Silvio had smoked a joint in the cab from the airport, and when people started talking about a new constitution we thought they were joking.

“Then he showed me a couple of videos on his mobile and I got distracted. Sarko offered me a couple of bongs in the toilets in a coffee break, and by the time the end of the session came around I was a mess. I just signed the thing so I could get out of there, it was sketching me out big time man. I was really high when I signed the thing, I could hardly hold the pen. Oh God, is this on the record?”

"I have literally no idea what I am smiling about"

"I have literally no idea what I am smiling about"

The comments have been received with disbelief by Brown’s colleagues and political opponents. Tory sources are calling for the PM’s immediate resignation, whilst many Labour MPs have defended their party leader.

Gerald Gerald, MP for Red Northern Constituency said “look, lots of MPs enjoy the odd spliff to take the edge off a long day making decisions which affect millions of people. The PM made a small mistake which probably won’t alter the course of British constitutional history. If it does, then I guess he’ll be in the sh*t. Pass that lighter would you?”

This is not the first time Brown has been under examination for potential drug use. A little-known video of the 1997 election victory exists showing a red-eyed Brown rolling a lengthy hand-rolled cigarette, giggling inanely with Jack Straw and eating a box of chocolates during Tony Blair’s victory speech.

Berlusconi and Sarkozy, mentioned in the comments by Brown, are high-profile supporters of the global ‘free the weed’ campaign run by Woody Harrelson and Howard Marks. The French and Italian premiers regularly holiday together in Amsterdam, and G20 meetings are allegedly regularly disrupted by the two leaders asking for portions of documents to be repeated as ‘they’ve forgotten what they agreed last time’..

Number 10 is due to make a statement this afternoon on the matter, though the Downing Street press office has denied any resignations will be taking place.

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