David Beckham has been announced as the surprise winner of the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize. The announcement comes a full year ahead of the expected date for announcing the winner, and in the same week as Beckham, 34, picked up a surprise man-of-the-match award for his 30 minute substitute appearance at Wembley whilst playing for England in their 3-0 win over Belarus.
Committee Chairman Thorbjorn Jagland said: “We were all unanimous on this one and decided to break with convention just this once. Yeah, we know it’s only been a week since Obama got his highly dubious 2009 award, but did you see Beckham on Wednesday night? The way he set up that goal was amazing, and besides he just looks adorable. I love Becks. He’s lovely, isn’t he?”
Critics have pointed to the fact that the Nobel Peace Prize is usually awarded to the idividual who has made the greatest contribution towards making the world a more peaceful, civilised place to live.
Beckham, for his part, argues Nigel Streamer of The Times: “prances around in fancy clothes with a bit of a stupid look on his face, then gets paid ridiculous amounts of cash to kick around a football and stay married to a loathsome stick insect.
“More to the point, it’s still 2009,” Streamer continued. “How is it even possible for Beckham to win next year’s award at all, not least on the strength of 30 minutes of a game of international football? 30 minutes! Even his manager didn’t think he was good enough to start the game!”
A visibly delighted David Beckham shrugged of the controversy to accept the news with his usual sense of decorum. “Obviously, I’m overwhelmed to have got the prize and at the end of the day, I’ve just got the ball in the box and Crouchy has done the rest. Fair play to the lads on the judging panel, they’ve had a blinder. This is about my beard, isn’t it?”
England coach Fabio Capello was unavailable for comment as he was too busy trying to strip wallpaper off a wall by staring at it.