An American man has been arrested in his own home for having questionable taste in DVDs and music, it has been revealed. Authorities say that 32 year-old Todd Masterson from Pittsburgh had just finished his dinner on Tuesday night when the offence occurred.
Although police have refused to go into details as to the exact nature of Masterson’s crimes, it is thought that he listened to a recently purchased Boyz II Men CD as he got changed, before kicking back to watch Jennifer Anniston and Owen Wilson rom-com Marley & Me on DVD.
Masterson’s lawyer, Lionel Savage spoke to the press in a statement earlier today and commented: “Mr. Masterson is extremely confused as to the exact nature of his crime. We think this is an outrage. Yes, he can be accused of the kind of poor taste that would make even the most religious man amongst us poke him in the eye with a sharp metal pole – but does that really justify having a SWAT team descend upon his apartment at 3am to drag him out by his ankles? We don’t think so.”
The arrest is the latest in a series of measures from the police designed to ensure that US citizens act in a dignified manner when in the privacy of their own homes. Earlier this week, a man from Virginia was arrested for the seemingly inoffensive crime of making coffee in his own kitchen at 5.30am as a woman and her seven year-old son walked passed his window.
“We need to stamp out this kind of anti-social, sickening behaviour and we need to do it now.” said Pittsburgh police Commissioner Bill Atford. “Look, this is a serious issue. Sure, they are watching Marley & Me and making coffee naked in the comfort of their own homes at the moment, but tomorrow they’ll be running around in a supermarket with a semi-automatic weapon. And don’t come crying to me when they do.”
Jennifer Anniston, Owen Wilson and the rest of the cast of Marley & Me were last night detained for questioning in connection with the incident as soon as the seriousness of the incident became clear. Although Atford refused to speculate on whether or not they would be charged, it is thought that they could be facing consecutive life sentences for ‘conspiracy to profit considerably from making the kind of God-awful film that makes you cry blood’.