According to new research, this will be the most unproductive week of the year, as putting the clocks back makes everybody slump into the…..oh what’s the point? You know as well as us that this is a terrible article, badly researched and poorly written and we might as well just give up now.
Sigh. Okay then. we’ll keep going. But we know that nobody will read it.
Anyway, it says here that researchers have found that productivity will drop by 50% this week as staff struggle to come to terms with the dark nights closing in.
Oh, great, THANKS A LOT for that ‘researchers’. Not only do we feel as if we want to stick our heads in a gas oven as it is, apparently because we’re not man enough to handle the clocks going back, but now you’re also strongly implying that there’s a distinct possibility that we might lose our jobs because of it as well? That’s just fantastic.
Ahem. Moving on, apparently more than one in ten admitted that last year’s slump had been so bad that they were spoken to by their boss about it. And one in twelve said their seasonal blues had been so severe in previous years that they had called in sick.
True, true. What’s the point of it all? Everything just seems so meaningless, so dark, so very, very empty. You know that feeling when you wake up in the dark and get home in the dark? It’s SO depressing. You never get to see daylight except for a 15 minute window at lunchtime when you nip out to get a sandwich, or at weekends when it rains. In the end you just find yourself clawing at the window and shielding yourself from the light.
According to leading expert in the field, Dr. Theodore Hendon: “Sufferers of this condition should take comfort from the fact that they are not alone. Seasonal Disaffective Disorder (SAD) is extremely common and is a recognised medical condition. The most important thing for sufferers is that they should not hibernate, and that they should always dedicate some time each day to going outside into the sunlight.”
Wait…what’s that he said? Hibernate? Why didn’t we think of that sooner? We make it 6 months until Spring – see you suckers in April, we’re off to build a little fort in our bedroom.