Social networking site Facebook has announced that for the first time it will be giving friends and family the option of ‘awkwardising’ the profiles of people they find socially uncomfortable in the presence of, yet compelled to have in their list of Facebook friends. The move, which comes hot on the heels of plans to ‘memorialise’ profiles of members who have died so as not to cause distress to users, will see a range of new features available to those who choose the ‘awkwardise’ option.
Mark Zuckerberg, CEO and founder of Facebook, explains: “Here at Facebook, we understand that our users reserve the right to interact with those they want to. I mean, sure, the new news feed we’ve introduced this last week is pretty much trying to tell everybody what they should be doing, but hey – nobody’s perfect.
“This is where the ‘awkwardise’ option comes in. We all understand that there are people from all walks of life that you never really want to talk to, connect with, or basically, even look in the eye, and that Facebook is basically just a means of placating the inner voice inside of you that makes you want to scream your big stupid head off at them and ask them why they won’t just skulk off into a corner and die.”
The new features are designed to specifically address these areas by adding new statuses and pictures to give people who have added you to the site and that you don’t want to interact with a rosy picture of your life from your perspective, in order that you don’t have to. These can include old school friends, people you never really knew that well, or even distant family.
Simon Appelby, 23, a former trainee accountant from Leicestershire said: “Thanks Mark Zuckerberg! I can’t get enough of the Facebook ‘awkwardise’ option! This year, I’ve lost my job, developed a severe drug habit, split up with my girlfriend, and all of my mates added me onto Facebook to see what’s going on.
“They now think I’ve got a promotion, that I’ve put down a deposit for a nice thatched cottage in the Home Counties and that I’m engaged to a supermodel. They’ve got no idea I’m eating out of rubbish bins and living in a crack den!”
Facebook’s ‘awkwardise’ option will be available worldwide from November 1st, as long as everybody keeps repressing their anger and never, ever says anything they mean.