authoritative, wise, and highly influential pronouncements

“It was all a joke,” admits Nick Griffin

In Politics on October 30, 2009 at 10:17

British National Party Chairman Nick Griffin this morning apologised for having “misled” the British public over his 35-year career as a far-right activist and politician.

Mr Griffin told stunned reporters outside his home in Wales that everything he’d done during that time — from joining the National Front as a teenager to his recent controversial appearance on Question Time — had been a wind-up, orchestrated by his mate Steve.

Steve

Steve?

“It’s finally time to come clean about a lot of the things I’ve been saying over the last 35 years or so,” Mr Griffin said. “It all started when I was a schoolboy. A few of us used to meet up at the park after school on Friday evenings to drink cider. This one time we decided to play Truth or Dare. It came to my turn, and I chose a dare. Well, my mate Steve only goes and dares me to forge a 35-year career as a leading far-right politician, doesn’t he?”

According to Mr Griffin, the exact terms of the dare required him to rise to the top of a far-right party, and then use this position to “spout a load of old rubbish about Jews and stuff”.

“It was all a bit mean of him to be honest,” Mr Griffin said, “because Steve knew very well I was always a bit embarrassed about how right-wing my parents were. But a dare’s a dare — what else could I do? Besides, I never really thought anyone would fall for it,” Mr Griffin added. “I mean, you’ve heard some of the stuff I’ve said, right? It’s utter b******s.”

Mr Griffin — who has yet to reveal the full identity of the mysterious “Steve” — went on to explain the reasoning behind the dare.

“He thought it would be hilarious,” Griffin said. “He’d come up with a list of the crap I had to say, and put together an illogical, poorly-written manifesto, full of veiled threats and pie-in-the-sky ideas. He was rolling around laughing, and saying that it would be the best wind-up ever. He always had quite an odd sense of humour, Steve.”

“I remember very clearly him saying to me: ‘Just imagine their faces in 35 years when they realise they’ve been had’,” Mr Griffin continued. “So — what do you reckon? Funny or not funny?”

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