authoritative, wise, and highly influential pronouncements

London 2012 team finish all work two and a half years ahead of schedule

In Finance, Sport on November 2, 2009 at 09:26
Olympic stadium

London's Olympic stadium: finished

The London 2012 organising committee celebrated 1,000 days to the start of the games this weekend by dramatically announcing: “We’ve finished all building two and a half years ahead of schedule and are ready to host the games tomorrow.” The announcement, made by Lord Coe at London’s BT Tower at a ceremony to mark the countdown to the games, has surprised many, who have suggested that the Olympic stadium, swimming and cycling venues, not to mention outlying transport links, still need more than two to three years’ work.

“Yes, we thought that at first,” said Lord Coe, as fireworks went off over his shoulder at the BT Tower. “But then, to be frank, we ran out of taxpayer’s money quite quickly. As a matter of fact, we’ve just spent the last of it on this big party. Would you like some champagne? After all, you paid for it.”

To mark 1,000 days until the games, London’s BT Tower was lit up with a fireworks display, while a huge screen started the countdown to the opening ceremony.  However, budgetary concerns have meant that the committee have been forced to make a number of concessions from their original bid.

“Look, there’s no point crying over spilt milk,” Lord Coe said. “Let’s try to accentuate the positive here – this will give us the opportunity to deliver a games that is much more true to the area’s heritage, instead of some jumped-up piece of superficial nonsense sponsored by Coca-Cola and Kodak.”

Asked what this meant, Lord Coe confirmed that all primary sponsors had withdrawn from the games, but that they had been replaced by ‘exciting’ and ‘auspicious’ new sponsors, such as Mr. Patel’s Corner Shop and Abra-Kebab-Ra.

Furthermore, a London 2012 spokesperson confirmed that they were looking to source additional funding for the stadium developing by letting it as low-budget acommodation to some of the many drug-pushers in the area.

“We’re hoping that they’ll all be gone by the time the track and field events kick off in 2012, but we have to be realistic and face up to the fact that it might depend on the terms of the lease they have signed,” the spokesperson confirmed.  “Worst comes to the worst, they can take part in some of the events if we get short – I bet all those years from running away from the police have made some of them outstanding athletes.”

Meanwhile, Lord Coe has also confirmed that plans were already underway for the celebration of 500 days to the games, thought to consist of a trip to the pub, a whip-round and a curry in Brick Lane.

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