The majority of people aren’t really sure if there is any difference between America and Canada, a survey has revealed. The international study, conducted by a research firm into whether or not countries were just making up facts about themselves for the hell of it, so as to confuse people from others countries, found that of the sample they interviewed, 99.8% of people who live outside the US believe that the US and Canada are, in fact, the same place.
Stefan Edman, 34, from Gothenburg, Sweden, was one respondent to the survey, and reacted with disbelief upon hearing the news that they are separate countries.
“No f*****g way. Are you sh*****g me?” Mr Edman said. “Come on guys, this has got to be a joke or something. I mean, I know they say they don’t, but let’s face it, they all sound the same, and in any case, if that map you’re showing me is right…they’re right next to each other. I mean…Jesus. Somebody needs to sit these two together in a room and sort this out, because it’s pretty f****d up.”
US Secretary of State Hilary Clinton was firm in her denial that Canada was part of the United States, issuing a statement to the press in response to the research: “I would like to reaffirm once more that Canada is not part of the United States and will continue to enjoy independence from this great nation.”
Mrs. Clinton continued: ” We don’t want them as part of us, anyway, what with their constant use of the word ‘eh’ and their weird French-speaking places…oooh, that’s freaking me out just thinking about it. In summary, they can keep their maple leaf and shove it. Is that clear?”
British Prime Minister Gordon Brown reacted to Mrs. Clinton’s aggressive statement by appearing to take a conciliatory, diplomatic approach to the situation. “Look, I really don’t know why this is an issue.
“They’re all Americans together, so what’s the point in arguing? Mrs. Clinton should concentrate on all the things they have in common: Mounties, Due South and Labatt’s lager – all of which are as American as apple pie, living in igloos and hunting mousses.”
Meanwhile, linguists are busy trying to track down the existence of any Canadian who has ever pronounced the word ‘about’ as ‘aboot’ as portrayed in the typical Canadian stereotype.
“I saw somebody once who said it,” said an anonymous man in the pub the other night. “But it was on TV, and they were probably American. Is there any real difference between Canadians and Americans anyway?”