Gordon Brown has taken time out of his busy schedule to emphasise how demanding the festive season is proving for him, confirming that he is “only just now getting round to writing Christmas cards and those bloody condolence letters.”
Although many see the Christmas period as a time to wind down and get into the party spirit, the Prime Minister was keen to stress that, if anything, the opposite was true for him.
“This time of the year is absolute chuffing murder,” he said in an interview with the BBC this morning. “As if it isn’t difficult enough trying to run the country, I’ve got Sarah whinging at me to write the Christmas cards, then all these poxy letters of condolence to loved ones who have lost somebody in Afghanistan.
“I really don’t like writing them, truth be told,” continued Mr. Brown, before going on to reveal his technique for crafting such letters. “Usually, I try to put them off for as long as possible – typically until after Top Gear on a Sunday night – and then I get a huge pile, and I write them as quickly as I can.
“Of course, that probably explains the multitude of spelling mistakes and the barely legible handwriting. But then again, when you’re trying to feign sincerity like me, who honestly gives a crap?”
Further evidence of the Prime Minister’s approach to condolence letters came with this week’s revelation that a widow of one soldier serving in Afghanistan received a Christmas card from Downing Street bearing the slogan:
‘Dear David and family. Have a great Xmas – hope you and your Tory boys eat sh*t and die in the New Year. Love and hugs, Gordon & Sarah. xxx’
“Obviously, this must have been very upsetting for the poor recipient of the card, and it was a dreadful mix-up – particularly as her dead husband’s name was David,” countered Mr. Brown this morning.
“However, I would like to refute any allegation that this card was intended for David Cameron, and once again emphasise how very, very difficult it is for me to get anything right whatsoever in the weeks leading up to Christmas. Okay?”