Hey, you there! Stop what you’re doing! Have you seen this? You know Michael Jackson? The King of Pop? The guy who invented the Moonwalk? Yeah, you know him. Well, it says here in an article in this morning’s Guardian that he’s still dead. Can you believe that he hasn’t re-materialised into one of the living dead?
I know! I can’t really get my head around it, only it says it here, so it must be true. What’s that? No, I don’t care what Tiger Woods has done now…aren’t you listening to me man? MICHAEL JACKSON. DEAD! STILL!!
Look, I know it’s going to take a lot of time to sink in and that, like me, he was probably one of your favourite performers over the past couple of decades or so, but you really need to give in to the shock and stop fighting it.
MJ’s still gone. And he might not even come back. You know, I often think about the time I first saw the video to arguably his most famous song, Thriller, and you know what occured to me?
At the time I thought: ‘how cool would it be to have a singer who was just, you know, like, dead, and was singing in a sort of zombified state.’ So for months now, ever since that fateful June day, I’ve been waiting for the day when the zombie Jackson will make the mother of all comebacks (from the dead) and fulfil the sell-out tour dates at London’s O2 centre. Surely it can only be a matter of time?
You see, I’m Michael Jackson’s biggest fan. I bought all of his hit records – admittedly as part of a bootlegged Greatest Hits album, but that’s not the point. I think the world would really benefit from seeing Jacko in undead form perform a string of hits to a packed out arena.
I for one would delight in seeing his exhumed flesh in person as he groans his way through such classics as Billie Jean, Bad and The Way You Make Me Feel.
However, all such thoughts are now just idle fantasies, if this Guardian article is to be believed. Michael’s still dead, and there’s nothing any of us can do about it.
Even standing in front of the mirror, wearing my limited edition Michael Jackson make-up, wig and Thriller costume whilst reciting the words to Dangerous backwards probably wouldn’t work. Probably.
Still, anything’s worth a go, isn’t it?