The Queen will deliver this year’s Christmas message via the medium of interpretive dance, sources at Buckingham Palace confirmed last night. The Royal Christmas message to the Commonwealth is a tradition first established in 1932 with a radio broadcast by King George V on the BBC Empire Service.
Today, the message is broadcast all over the world via television, radio, satellite and the internet, and it is thought that the Royal family are keen to explore new ways of ensuring that the message is relevant to its ever-changing audience.
“We’ve been looking at ways of jazzing the whole thing up for a while now,” a Palace spokesperson said. “The Queen’s done loads of these things now and recently she’s made it abundantly clear that she’s sick and tired of the same old tired format. If we didn’t shake things up this year, she threatened to turn up on the day without a script, wearing some tracksuit bottoms, a dirty old t-shirt and with her curlers in.”
Palace officials soon got to work in order to appease the Sovereign, and put together a ten minute routine for Her Royal Highness that will encapsulate her high and low points of 2009, while outlining her hopes for 2010.
“I think we’ve put together a routine of interpretive dance that Her Majesty can be rightly proud of,” said Darcy Blake, lead coreographer for the Queen’s 2009 Christmas message. “Without wanting to give too much away, we’ve tried to put in a little bit of something for everyone.
“From Her Majesty miming the snatching of money from her pocket in grand flourishes in order to describe the credit crunch to pretending to danc with a machine gun, signalling the ongoing conflict in Afghanistan, this performance really has it all. The two-minute moon walk, to signify the death of Michael Jackson has to be seen to be believed.”
This is not the first time that the monarchy has attempted to take the Christmas message in a new, radical direction. In 1990, inspired by the John Barnes’ famous rap in England’s World Cup record World in Motion the Queen attempted to put her message into rap form, only for the plug to be pulled at the last minute when it emerged that she wanted to refer to the Commonwealth as “one’s bitches.”
If this year’s experiment is successful, if could open the way for future Christmas messages to be delivered through other genres. Bookmakers William Hill are already offering odds of 3/1 that the 2010 Christmas message will be delivered by means of a underground rave in the heart of Essex.