The Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, has announced that he ‘hates New Year’ and that he is ‘glad’ that he isn’t going to a New Year’s Eve party this year, because he ‘didn’t want to go to one anyway’.
Speaking this afternoon at a hastily assembled news conference at Downing Street, the Prime Minister confirmed that he would not be attending any New Year celebrations this year, on the basis that they were all ‘rubbish’.
“New Year is stupid,” the Prime Minister said. “I mean, think about it – here we are getting all worked up about the New Year, when in 12 short months we’ll be back here again glad to see the back of it. It’s pointless.
“And anyway, even if I did go to a party, it would probably be a massive disappointment – it always is. It always gets built up as the best night of the year, but you’re left with no booze, and your best mate ends up snogging the bird you’ve had your one good eye on all night. How is that fun?”
Mr. Brown has faced a difficult year in 2009 ahead of next year’s General Election with many backbenchers looking to force him out of office, while his personal approval level has sunk to an all-time low. All of which has lead to increased speculation that the Prime Minister’s hard line on New Year celebrations comes as a direct consequence of not being invited anywhere.
“That’s b*llocks,” Mr. Brown said earlier, to refute these allegations. “I’ve been invited to loads of parties. What’s that? How many? Four. No, wait – nine. Yes, nine parties. I just think they’ll all be rubbish.
“Let Sarah and the family go out and find out for themselves how rubbish they are. I’ll stay indoors with a bottle of gin and shout obscenities at that gurning idiot Jools Holland on the telly in my vest and pants.”
The Prime Minister’s comments have brought a mixed reaction from the voting public, and although some have preferred to label him a “boring t*at” others have shown their support for his sentiments.
“I agree with Brown – New Year’s Eve is always rubbish. Why do we fall for it every year?” said one anonymous man. “I’m going to follow the PM’s example and get my own gin, vest and pants and just stay in .”
Labour party spokesperson was quick to laugh off Mr. Brown’s comments as “a seasonal practical joke, which has got out of hand” although added in hushed, urgent tones: “You didn’t let on where the big Labour party New Year’s Eve party is happening, did you?”