Hundreds and thousands of workers across the country are celebrating returning back to their place of work today having been cruelly deprived of the opportunity to earn their livelihood over the last ten days thanks to the agonising and unnecessarily long Christmas break.
The traditional holiday period, which for many people has run from Christmas Eve (December 24th) all the way to today, dragging out the full horror of New Year’s Eve in the process, has been known in previous years to drive many of Britain’s diligent workers close to the brink of insanity.
Martin Sandhurst, 26, a postman from Salisbury said: “I know a lot of people like to paint the festive period as a time of fun and celebration, but the cold hard truth of the matter is that if you ask anyone what they’d rather be doing out of sitting round a table and stuffing their face with a roast turkey dinner, unwrapping presents, or putting in a good honest day’s shift, and it’s really no contest.
“To be fair, if you’d have given me the option of doing my daily rounds on New Year’s Day, rather than sitting around all day, I’d have been down that Post Office faster than you could sing a rousing chorus of Auld Lang Syne.”
Judith Finch, 42, from Suffolk agrees: “The Christmas break has always been a difficult time for me. I run a small shop in the local village, and it’s quiet at the best of times. At Christmas time, when everybody is at home in front of the telly, there’s no point in even opening up. I spent seven hours on Christmas Day just standing in the cold outside the shop, pining for Christmas to end so that I could re-open. I think I got a mild case of hypothermia.”
Asked to explain the phenomena, leading psychologist Dr. Philip van Marco explains: “Traditionally, people in this country are creatures of habit. They carefully establish their routines and get settled into them easily.
“Any break in this routine,” the Doctor continued, “such as a prolonged, unnecessary and it has to be said, ridiculous absence from work such as the one we have just had, preventing the workforce from doing their jobs, can lead, in extreme cases, to subjects psycho-analysing their own family, pets or even the Christmas turkey as was evident in my own case on Boxing Day.
“In particular, city workers are known to miss the comforting surroundings of the commuter trains, glowing in the warmth of another car’s rear lights in a traffic jam, and the hustle and bustle and camaraderie of shouting at one another across a crowded office until their throat is sore. God it’s good to be back, isn’t it?”