authoritative, wise, and highly influential pronouncements

Apple proud to unveil new iThingummywhatsit

In Technology on January 26, 2010 at 22:28

"Ha ha ha...this seems puny and insignificant to me now. Bow before the iThingummywhatsit!"

After countless months of speculation, intrigue and rumour, Apple will finally unveil their latest product, the iThingummywhatsit, on Wednesday, laying to rest once and for all the conjecture around whatever it is they reckon it is supposed to do.

Apple’s latest announcement had been rumoured to have been monikered the ‘iSlate’ or ‘iTablet’ although Apple CEO Steve Jobs let the cat out of the bag when he confirmed that the controversial new name was, in fact, the iThingummywhatsit.

“We all thought long and hard about an appropriate name and wanted something instantly memorable, that would roll off the tongue,” said Jobs. “Let’s face it, iThingummywhatsit ticks all the boxes – and then some.”

The iThingummywhatsit will be officially launched by Jobs to a baying crowd of bespectacled nerdy types, many of whom are expected to still live with their mothers, despite being well into their mid forties.

The launch will take place shortly after 10am local time in San Francisco in what experts and people with too much time on their hands are already calling: ‘the technology launch of the year.’

Jobs would not however, be pressed on what the iThingummywhatsit’s primary functions were, leading to speculation from some quarters that nobody at Apple has any clue either, although he did add:

“I can confirm that it will not be able to act as a microwave, a riot shield or a combine-harvester. Not convincingly, anyway.  Maybe we’ll add these features into the iThingummywhatsit 2.”

Kevin Siegel, 46, from Florida said: “I travelled all the way up from my mom’s house to San Francisco to see the launch of the iThingummywhatsit. Is this the greatest day ever or what?!? My mom made me sandwiches, but I lost my lunch box. Have you seen it?”

Industry analysts forecast that the iThingummywhatsit will fly off the shelves, singlehandedly leading us all out of the Global financial crisis in which we have all become so deeply entrenched.

Either that, or people will think it’s just a ridiculous, over-sized and overpriced iPhone and stick to what they’ve got until they are practically giving them away.

One of the two.

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