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Emotionally charged Britain ‘just wants recession to come back’

In Business on January 28, 2010 at 09:15

A nostalgic and visibly emotional Great Britain was last night coming to terms with the sudden and devastating departure of long time partner, the recession.

Friends and relatives spent the night comforting the British Isles as she wept openly into a collection of snotty hankies, stuffed her face with chocolates and watched Bridget Jones’s Diary on DVD.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

“I just miss him so goddamn much,” said a tearful Great Britain last night, sitting on the sofa with a duvet and a huge box of tissues.

“The recession just left without much of an explanation. Said something about ‘growth’, then just walked out. Well if he wants me to grow as a person – even by as little as 0.1% – I can do that…I just want him to come back.”

“It’s dreadful news,” said close friend the United States of America. “Britain and the recession used to be inseparable. I mean, sure, we all knew that he was bad for her, but you know how it is…none of us really wanted to be the one to say.”

During the course of their stormy two-year relationship, it is reported that the recession stole considerable amounts of money from Great Britain, and even contributed to her losing her job.

“We never seemed to have any money,” Great Britain sobbed, “but what we did have we got by on. My fondest memory is of sitting in the dark and cold with the recession with a tin of cold spaghetti hoops. I really miss those days.”

“What a bastard,” said Spain.

France added: “Look, I don’t even particularly like Britain – I just live next door. But when I heard that the recession had packed his bags, I had to come over and take a look. Britain’s face is a picture!”

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