authoritative, wise, and highly influential pronouncements

Facebook to keep everyone confused with bi-weekly design change

In Technology on February 9, 2010 at 09:11

This will all be written in Chinese next week

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg has unveiled new plans to rotate the look and feel of his social networking site “on a bi-weekly basis”.

Speaking to the media last night, Zuckerberg explained that recent changes to Facebook’s design had not been “confusing enough” and emphasised that he wanted to do everything in his power to ensure that users didn’t have the first clue what belonged where when logging on.

“I’m very conscious of the fact that this announcement comes in the same week that we changed Facebook’s design for what feels like the seventh time in two years,” said Zuckerberg, “although let’s be honest, it’s probably been more than that, hasn’t it?”

“However, upon reviewing user feedback, it seems that this time there has been a sharp drop in the number of people asking how they upload pictures or change their status. It appears that people have started to get used to navigating their way around a newly redesigned Facebook landing page, and we simply can’t have that.  I’m just trying to keep everyone on their toes.”

In line with Zuckerberg’s wishes, Facebook will begin rotating the design of everyone’s profiles from next week in order to maximise confusion.  “I’ve got a number of extremely good ideas as to how we can make Facebook as inconvenient as possible for everyone,” said lead designer Jerry Stanton.

“They include making your status appear in bright red flashing letters which cover your screen and are impossible to get rid of, and posing a series of sophisticated mathematical problems to replace your login password. Watch this space, it’s very exciting.”

Facebook user Karen Jones, 26, agreed to comment on the issue, but could barely be understood above the anguished noise of her own tears.

“Why can’t those b*stards just leave Facebook alone?” she cried.  “All I wanted was a social networking site where I could interact with people I know, post up photographs and – if I feel like it – waste my money on ridiculous farm-based applications. MARK ZUCKERBERG, WHY ARE YOU MESSING WITH MY HEAD?”


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