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Liam Gallagher injured in fight with own reflection

In Music on February 18, 2010 at 08:10

Former Oasis front man Liam Gallagher has been taken to hospital after sustaining multiple facial injuries in a fight with his own reflection, it has been reported.

The news follows Gallagher’s controversial appearance at the Brit Awards earlier this week when he hurled an award into the crowd, which has led many to question the singer’s emotional stability.

It is understood that police began receiving complaints from neighbours in the early hours of the morning after a sustained period of loud shouting.

“The strange thing was, I knew that Mr Gallagher was at home by himself,” said next-door neighbour Julie Parsons, 46. “It was so loud that we had to turn the TV up to drown out the noise.

"D'yer want a fight, you fookin' paramedic b*stard?"

“All I could hear was Mr Gallagher shouting things like: ‘are you lookin’ at me, pal?’ and ‘oh, so it’s a fight you’re after is it?’ before a prolonged period of loud crashing and banging. Soon afterwards, the police arrived and explained that he had had an altercation with his own reflection, and that he was currently being treated for injuries after assaulting a mirror with a head-butt.”

Gallagher, 37, was kept in overnight for observation at a Manchester hospital, having sustained what a hospital spokesman referred to as “multiple lacerations to his face”.  The hospital was keen to stress, however that “Mr Gallagher is already feeling much better, and was sitting up in bed this morning, swearing his head off and trying to start a fight with a doctor.”

This is not the first occasion that Gallagher has made the headlines because of his volatile temperament.

“Liam has always been a bit of a loose cannon,” said Alan Meade, President of the Official Oasis fan club. “I remember when the band were touring the States a few years back and there were reports that Liam had actually tried to bite his own nose off.

“Needless to say, the rest of the band pointed out that he was only spiting his face in doing so, but Liam didn’t seem to care.  He really is a misunderstood individual, who holds deep affection for everyone around him.

“Unfortunately, his way of demonstrating that affection is to start a big, shouty argument with those around him, before asking them if they want a fight.”

Gallagher released a statement earlier this morning, in which he refused to apologise and insisted that his reflection “had it coming.”  He also expressed relief that his wounds were only minor and that he would not need “an operaaaaayshiun.”

  1. I read the final sentence of that with considerable glee.

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