Conservative leader David Cameron has appeared on national television to explain to the nation that they should vote for him owing to the fact that he’s so earth-shatteringly normal. “Vote for me!” he screamed at the culmination of yesterday’s interview on GMTV. “I’m normal!”
“Did I mention that I’ve got a family?” asked Cameron, during the interview. “Well I have. Some of the people watching this programme probably have families. See? We’re not so different after all, are we? Look how normal I am!”
Cameron went on to insist that he was “totally into women’s rights” and that he was “keen to get more women MPs onto the Tory benches,” before turning to face the camera and saying: “Did you see that? Even my opinions are normal! And if you don’t think they are, then don’t worry – let me know and I’ll change them immediately!”
Although GMTV presenter Andrew Castle did his best to try to steer Cameron away from peronal issues, the Tory leader insisted on continuing his theme.
“Do you know what else I really enjoy?” he asked. “A nice can of Guinness. Not just one, either. Sometimes, I’ll have as many as two or three! I’m mental! No I’m not! I’m a man of the people! I’m normal!”
The Conservatives were quick to stress that Cameron’s GMTV appearance was not part of an orchestrated campaign to woo voters by making him appear more relevant. “The great thing about David – or Dave, as I call him,” said Shadow Chancellor George Osborne, “is that he comes onto these programmes of his own free will, and just likes to, you know, chat about stuff.
“Dave’s so chilled out and laid back that it just seems like the most normal thing in the world for him to go on to national TV and discuss the things that are close to him. If they happen to be things the voting public are keen on, then so much the better.”
A Labour spokesperson reacted to Mr Cameron’s televised appearance with scepticism: “Oh, sure, Cameron says he’s normal does he? Did he even bother to see the Prime Minister on the Piers Morgan show the other day?
“He ACTUALLY CRIED. It doesn’t get more normal than that. Thousands of potential voters in this country cry every day – if not more. If you’re looking for somebody to easily identify with, then Gordon’s your man.”
Voters are expected to take to the polls later this year to decide which of the two candidates is more normal.