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New book portrays Gordon Brown as sulky teenager

In Politics on February 26, 2010 at 08:15

The Prime Minister, addressing the nation yesterday

Gordon Brown has denied claims made in a controversial book in which in he is said to have shouted at former Prime Minister Tony Blair, stamped his feet and fumed: “I HATE YOU, TONY.  I WISH I’D NEVER BEEN BORN.”

The row reportedly took place in 2006, and culminated in Mr Brown locking himself in his room and playing his favourite Radiohead album on loop at full volume, refusing all invitations to “come downstairs and have some tea.”

An exasperated Tony Blair announced shortly afterwards that he would stand down from the job within a year, the journalist and author Andrew Rawnsley claims, citing the fact that it was “like working in Piccadilly Circus in here sometimes.”

The book, which portrays the Prime Minister in a similar fashion to that of a sulky teenager, quotes Downing Street aides who reported hearing Mr. Brown shouting at the former Prime Minister one afternoon after they had arrived back from Westminster.

“I heard raised voices and went to investigate,” said one source, who asked not to be named, “What I found was Brown really going for Blair, and screaming at the top of his voice.  He seemed very put out that Mr Blair wouldn’t let him go to some state function or another, repeatedly claimed that it was ‘unfair’ and threatened to wee himself if he didn’t let him go.”

The Prime Minister was at pains to deny the reports, rejecting the claims made in the book as “complete fiction”.

“It’s complete fiction.  The truth of the matter is that this row never took place,” said Mr Brown in a statement to the press yesterday.  “Why do you always do this to me?  Stop picking on me and leave me alone.  YOU’RE NOT MY DAD.  I HATE YOU.”

After calming down, and being given a special piece of cake, the sort that is only given to good boys and girls, the Prime Minister agreed to answer questions from journalists, but only if they didn’t say anything horrible, and made a point of commenting on his new haircut.

“Sometimes I really wish the Prime Minister would just stop sulking and grow up,” said an unnamed journalist.

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