authoritative, wise, and highly influential pronouncements

BBC to cut digital radio stations to fund TV for morons

In News on March 3, 2010 at 08:15

Dale Winton: the people's favourite

The BBC has confirmed plans to close down the digital radio stations 6 Music and Asian Network as part of wide-ranging cuts aimed at increasing funding for sub-standard police and hospital dramas, as well as insultingly dim-witted Saturday evening programming.

Half of the sections on the BBC website are also set be pulled, as the corporation reduces online spending by a quarter, with a view to reducing its broadcasting down to the lowest possible denominator.

The drastic changes were outlined by BBC director general Mark Thompson as he presented the Putting Quality First review to staff ahead of a 12-week consultation period.

In the report to the BBC Trust, Thompson argued that he wants to reprioritise nearly £600m a year towards “creating another programme that’s a bit like Morse. There aren’t nearly enough detective dramas on our screens at the moment.

“The same goes for hospital dramas. Can you tell me the last time you saw a hospital-based series on British TV? Oh sure, we have Casualty, and Holby City after that – but what I’m looking for is a committment to putting even more of these delightful programmes on. If the British public are anything like me, they’ll lap it up!”

Thompson was also at pains to explain that he sees the BBC’s Saturday night programming schedule as the jewel in the corporation’s crown.

“The way I see it,” he said, “is that we’ve got a Lottery show hosted by people’s favourite Dale Winton in which a succession of lobotomised cretins are asked the sort of questions you typically see in a primary school test.

“All this, while playing loud, jazzy music, and flashing strobe lights. It’s a winning combination, and one of the reasons we’ve decided to make these cuts is to ensure that high quality programming like this continues. There’s no need for originality or diversity at the BBC – surely you must know that?”

Jason Winchfield, 27, a BBC licence payer from Halifax said: “If I see Dale sodding Winton on my TV one more time, I swear I’ll do something I might regret.”

A BBC spokesperson refused to comment on speculation that BBC News 24 was to be axed in favour of a 24-hour police and hospital drama channel.

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  1. Yet another example of an anonymous coward using the internet to libel fine upstanding citizens and trivialise the very serious subject of public service television being used as a battleground for electioneering.

    Down with this sort of thing, maybe.

  2. Fact is the Beeb has long since lost touch with reality, it’s audience, and it’s needs, and in the process has become a bloated media monopoly, which needs urgently to be reined in.
    Cameron could do us all a favour and make a pre-election declaration for change and then watch the over paid, morally corupt DG, Mark Thompson run for cover, whilst rapidly halting the rampage of the Elephant.

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