Incidences of sexism in the workplace have increased in the United Kingdom by nearly 300%, according to a new study by some pretty totty who everyone agrees would look cracking in a dress.
Dr. Justine Marshall, 34, who has a lovely set of pins and the sort of bum that you’d just like to pinch, claims that she is a big important booky-type who likes reading and stuff, but is probably secretly only interested in reading gossip mags about soap stars who like kissing each other. Nonetheless, she explained her findings last night at Cambridge University’s Gala Dinner for Scholars who have excelled in this calendar year.
“Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,” she said, or words to that effect we expect, presumably whilst thinking about some lovely kittens and conjuring up some interesting recipes in her mind, ahead of a busy weekend of baking, ironing and cleaning the house.
Proper academic, Professor Hamish Stanforth was less than impressed with Dr. Marshall’s views. “I’m all for hearing women’s views on things,” he said, responding to claims that the world of academia was institutionally sexist, “just as long as it’s about important things like what time my dinner is going to be on the table.
“What I really want to know is who let this totty out of the kitchen anyway. Does anyone know? We should find out.”
For her part, Dr. Marshall, bless her, managed to stop gushing about Brad Pitt just long enough to sound a bit put out about the whole thing.
“Yes, I’m very ‘put out’ as matter of fact,” remarked the silly sausage, “I mean how would you like it if instead of a handshake every day you got greeted by somebody staring down your cleavage? This sort of behaviour is wholly indicative of the patriarchal, sexist environment in which all women live and work in modern Britain.”
“She’s probably a lesbian,” said a spokesperson for the Equal Opportunities Commission. “The grumpy ones who like to moan a lot usually are. Either that or it’s, you know, her ‘special’ time of the month. Women, eh?”