An Icelandic volcano, which had lay dormant for 200 years, has erupted near Eyjafjallajoekull, ripping a 1km-long fissure in a field of ice and spraying hundreds of consonants and vowels up into the air in the process.
The volcano, situated in Southern Iceland, 75 miles east of Reykjavik, began to erupt just after midnight on Sunday, spitting a molten stream of largely incompatible letters a hundred metres high.
“We have taken the step of closing all major roads,” a civil protection officer said. “We’ve also closed Icelandic airspace, diverting all the flights elsewhere until there is little or no risk of one of our pilots having to deal with a rogue ‘Y’ or ‘J’ through the windscreen of their cockpit.”
Sigurgeir Gudmundsson of the Icelandic civil protections department has issued a statement to emphasise that he does not expect anyone to be in any immediate danger because of the eruption.
He did, however, recommend that anyone looking to escape the area in a hurry should try to shed as many of the unnecessary vowels and consonants in their own names as possible.
“If you’re anything like me, you’ll have more extraneous letters in your name than a small mining town in Wales,” he told the press earlier.
“Cutting these out is critical if anyone is to make swift progress away from the volcano, as unnecessary letters can weigh you down and get in the way when somebody is calling you to urgently attract your attention.
“I was in the town earlier to witness the scene, and I’ll be honest – I had to cut my name to ‘Sig Gud’ just to get out in time before the last eruption.”
Meanwhile, authorities have confirmed that between 500 and 600 people are in the process of being evacuated.
“Eyjaf….Ejyafall…oh, bugger it, I can’t pronounce that. The place next to the volcano is being evacuated as a precaution,” said a government spokesperson.
“Many of those forced to leave their homes behind have been forced to witness the bewildering spectacle of seemingly random letters raining down upon their town.
“It’s no small wonder that these people are in a state of collective shock…I’d wager that not even Carol Vorderman herself could manage to make any sense out of this many random vowels and consonants.”