Britain’s office workers have announced a four-day strike over the Easter Holiday period as a protest against poor tea and coffee making facilities, as well as a severe shortage of video games, alcohol and hard narcotics in the workplace.
The strike was announced last night by the National Union of Office Workers (NUOW) officials after weeks of negotiations failed to bring a positive result, and follows hot on the heels of recent strike action by British Airways cabin crews and Network Rail.
Ken Brewster, general secretary of the NUOW said: “Our members are sick and tired of having to put up with sub-standard tea and coffee at their places of work.
And nobody I’ve spoken to can even remember the last time they were offered a crack pipe, or at the very least, a dirty pint with some tequila chasers at their desk. What do you think we are – savages?”
Strike action will take effect at 5.30pm on Thursday, April 1st 2010, continuing through Good Friday, the entire Easter Weekend, and concluding at 12am on Easter Monday.
“That’ll teach them not to let us play video games during meetings,” said Dan Rodgers, 36, a supply chain manager from Croydon.
“I tried to fire up a game of Modern Warfare 2 on my Xbox in a meeting on supply chain logistics at our head office only the other week, but was told in no uncertain terms that if I did it again, I would be sacked. How am I supposed to complete all those special ops missions at this rate?”
Reacting to accusations that the strike had been poorly thought through, owing to the fact that few, if any office workers would be required to be at their place of work throughout the duration of the industrial action, because of the long Bank Holiday weekend, Brewster was adamant that the authorities would learn their lesson.
“It’s more about the spirit of the strike,” he insisted. “We threatened that if we did not get our booze, drugs and video games, then we would go on strike, and that’s exactly what we will be doing. The fact that our industrial action happens to fall over a public holiday is just a coincidence. Next time, the powers that be won’t be so lucky. Or maybe they will. We’ll see.”