authoritative, wise, and highly influential pronouncements

iPad users still trying to work out what the hell it does

In Technology on April 7, 2010 at 07:22

Early adopters who have purchased the newly-released and eagerly awaited Apple iPad are still trying to work out what the hell it actually does, according to reports.

The iPad sold to more than 300,000 US customers on Saturday after a blaze of publicity, although some initial reviews have lead some to question the exact point of the product.

“It looks a bit like a giant iPhone,” said Dwight Steiner, 36, from Minnesota. “Ordinarily, that would be cool, except for the fact that I can’t make calls on it. I also can’t seem to do half the things on it that I would be able to do on a normal tablet. In short, what the hell am I supposed to do with this thing?”

Steve Jobs, preparing to use his brand new frisbee

Technology journalist Stephen Meyer was one of the first to review the product and was scathing in his appraisal.

“As far as I can tell, it just sits there, looking all pretty, refusing to open any flash-based applications, all the while gently mocking customers for blowing huge, fat wads of cash on something which has all the functionality of a chocolate teapot,”  he said.

“I spent 3 hours trying to work out what the damn thing was for. Is it a secret? Perhaps there’s an app I have to download which will suddenly make it clear what it is supposed to do?  It sure as hell isn’t explained in the instruction manual.”

“So far I’ve used it as a doorstop, a makeshift umbrella, a fly swat and even as a sort of rectangular frisbee,” said Jane Marshall, 42, from Ohio.  “I wouldn’t mind, but in each case, the iPad does a better job than it has done at trying to be a makeshift tablet computer. That’s not saying much though.”

Apple chief executive Steve Jobs addressed consumer concerns in a statement to the press last night. “The Apple iPad is designed to be the embodiment of next generation portable media players.

“It has a range of functionality and has been specified to ensure that users fully maximise the value of all media they consume, from e-books to feature-length movies.

“And if they don’t buy that, then customers have just bought themselves a very expensive, if not particularly durable trampoline. Enjoy!”

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  1. OMG…..This is the hilarious. I love it! The best part about it is its very close to reality….

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