The Home Office has urged everyone to go out and buy as much of the party drug mephedrone as they can carry before it is made illegal, according to reports. The so-called ‘legal high’ will be classified as a Class B drug with effect from April 16th, leaving users a two-day window of opportunity to legally stock up on the substance.
Home Secretary Alan Johnson said: “Mephedrone, or ‘meow-meow’ will be criminalised from this week. From this Friday, anybody found in possession of the drug could face five years in prison, while dealing the drug will bring a maximum sentence of fourteen years.
“So what are you all waiting for? Let’s all get as much of the stuff as possible, and we’ll have a massive party at my gaff on Thursday night! Last one to finish their gigantic stash of mephedrone is a loser!”
According to users, the substance’s effects include increased alertness, euphoria, excitement, a feeling of stimulation and a desire to talk and be open.
“Basically, what you are describing are most of the characteristics currently being displayed by every politician in the land at this moment,” said Peter Franklin from the Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs (ACMD).
“I saw the Prime Minister on the telly only yesterday, demanding to tell everyone what he thought, grinning from ear to ear and laughing. Either he’s off his tits on meow-meow, or Labour’s election manifesto really is as good as he says it is.”
Mephedrone user Kate Philpott, 23, from Surrey, said that she disagreed with plans to criminalise the drug. “As a normally excitable woman, looking for a way to rationalise the way I enjoy telling every single person I know each and every single detail of everything that’s happening in my life, I have to say that the government’s decision is making it much more difficult for me to appear even slightly sane.
“I for one will be taking the Home Secretary’s advice and stockpiling so much of the stuff that I can barely move out of my front door in the morning,” she continued.
“The problem is, that if the police call round on Saturday, I’ll feel so compelled to be open with them, that I’ll probably tell them what I’ve done and land myself a prison sentence. It’s a tricky situation, alright.”